Hork and Mindy

So here we are.. Another week, another country. Malaysia.
But before we arrive together, let’s rewind to our international departure. 8:30 flight. 45 drive to the airport. Hotel screw up and no car at 6:30 as requested. FF to 7:00+ and we are finally en route. Then this happens:

Our driver decides to tail a government police escort, going through many red lights in the process. We both thought we’d missed our flight and were going to be pulled over (and arrested..?)
Needless to say, we arrived to Malaysia on time and our driver got a healthy tip.
So Malaysia. The land of watches, speakers and sunglasses. Central markets are where dreams are made. For those buying at ridiculously low prices, and for the those selling at exorbitantly high prices (relatively). I buy my first pair of poor quality glasses for $3 (which I later found out was a rip off). Miranda buys a bluetooth speaker for $8 and terrorizes the vendor with her cutthrought tactics. I buy my second pair of shoddy sunglasses, for $2 (at least I’m making progress!). Miranda buys a stylish Ice branded watch for $4, again, leaving the vendor in tears. Then I finally find them: The only pair of quality sun glasses for sale in Malaysia. The price says $75, but we all know that that’s not the real price. We get him down to $29 but we are out of money – so many sales.. Then the light bulb sparks. I pull out the other two pair of poor quality glasses, we strike a trade, and I walk away with a brand new pair of JOakley glasses for under $20! Titanium metal, polarized, and minus 2 junkie pairs of glasses. Success!
Also, semi-related. According to market vendors, I’m largely overweight. In addition to the touristy hat, cheapy tshirt, and socks I’ve acquired, it was easier to buy new underwear then find somewhere for laundry. I only fit I to the 2xXL, the box reads “For the extra large male” (or something to that effect). I am totally gutted.

Other Malaysian facts and whatnot…

– Monkeys are everywhere and are as annoying as raccoons, and likely smarter

– In the touristy spots, the locals strive to make us feel at home

(North American music fills the air over the backdrop of wine, spaghetti and cupcakes. Oh I feel so safe and at home)

– Sometimes why sugar coat it.. This road sign might as well say “you’re screwed” 

(what a crazy drive through the highlands)

– Our 5+ hour drive to Penang in this non-smoking bus was subject to the not-so-random smell of cigarette smoke followed by the worst guttural snort and subsequent hork. My only hope is that he doesn’t insist on a handshake upon our arrival (I haven’t had such luck in the past on this trip). This is the stuff OCD nightmares are made of.

Finally I will leave you with this.. The best ways to really start a marriage off right.

1) Stay in this room

(Yes that’s the view of the bathroom from the bed)

2) Have fun with your partner!

Thank you and goodnight.

J